At 48, I was exactly who I’d once intended to be, with all the experiences, achievements and ‘stuff and things’ that she’d been striving for. At 52, I had no idea who I was anymore.
Nobody warned me that midlife doesn’t arrive as a crisis. It arrives as a question whispered into your mind at 3am on yet another sleepless night.
“Is this it?”
I’d ticked the boxes. Built a great corporate career and then a couple of businesses. Earned the recognition. Lived in multiple countries, cities, and beautiful homes. And still that question kept showing up, uninvited, in the quiet moments.
What I’ve come to understand over the past five years, in my own life and in the work I do with senior women leaders, is that the very achievements you built your identity on from 20-50 can become the cage that keeps you trapped. Even in the life and career you once so wanted so badly.
The competence you’re famous for becomes the reason you won’t start anything new. The version of you that everyone relies on becomes the version you’ve outgrown without realising. Until you do.
I see this constantly in the women I work with. Brilliant operators in their late-40s, their 50s, and early and mid-60s. They’re knocking it out of the park at work, continuing to deliver at the highest level. They’re mightily impressive on paper and in person. And they ALWAYS get called to handle the hard stuff. But privately?
They’re wobbling and not telling anyone. They think there’s something wrong with them but they don’t know what. They’re quietly asking their AI “is it normal to feel like a stranger to myself” at 11pm on a Tuesday.
It’s not burnout, although burnout often tags along, and it’s not “just menopause,” although hormones are absolutely in the mix. It’s a turning point.
The women I know who navigate it well don’t do it by gripping harder onto who they used to be. They do it by listening closely for the version of them that’s wanting to emerge next, and they’re willing to look like a beginner again while she arrives. Knowing it will be messy and uncomfortable.
And I’m not writing this from ‘the wise other side’ of all of this. I’m writing from inside it because it’s a growth process that takes years to unfold.
What I want YOU to hear today is this: The discomfort you’re feeling at this time of life, leadership, and career isn’t because something is wrong with you. It’s a signpost that something is finally ready to change.
